


Couldn't utter my love (when it counted)

by Leana_olicityy



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Childhood Friends, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Huddling For Warmth, Quarantine and Chill Fic Drive (Arrow TV 2012), Rival CEOs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:02:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23753545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leana_olicityy/pseuds/Leana_olicityy
Summary: Oliver and Felicity, rival CEOs of the biggest companies of Starling City, get kidnapped in the middle of winter. They have to get over their mutual hate and their history to survive, which means huddling for warmth.aka enemies to lovers - childhood friends - rival CEOs - huddle for warmthThe tags say it all!
Relationships: Oliver Queen & Felicity Smoak, Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak
Comments: 32
Kudos: 108
Collections: Quarantine and Chill Fic Drive 2020





	Couldn't utter my love (when it counted)

**Author's Note:**

> helloooo  
> I hadn't write angst in so long i missed it! I really can't tell if it's good but i had fun writing it  
> I hope you enjoy, leave kudos and comments if you want to, it's always appreciated ;)  
> (english isn't my native language, sorry for mistakes)

**Couldn't utter my love (when it counted)**

This cannot be happening.

Not now.

Not here.

Not with _him._

Why? Why? Why?

What did she do to deserve this?

Shivers goes through her body. She ignores it. She ignores how cold she feels, how cold her nose is, how every breath she takes hurt her insides. She ignores the way her fingers tingle even as they are pressed against her stomach. She ignores it all. She tries to curl herself into a ball. Her knees against her chest and her head between them.

Nothing works. She's cold.

She can't afford to be cold right now.

She's too angry to let herself be cold.

Angry at their captors for taking them before she had her coffee (coffees actually, she needs at least three to function). Angry that they threw them in cold warehouse in the middle of the winter (they could have at least considered a heater). Angry at herself for choosing to wear a sexy red dress with the only intent to make _him_ mad and of course she had to abandon her coat when they took her.

But mostly she's angry at _him_.

With that thought she lifts her head to look at him and narrows her eyes. He's laying on the floor not far from her, snoring like a baby. He got knocked out earlier when he tried to fight their captors. He obviously failed and now he's sleeping like nothing was happening, with just a cut on his forehead.

She puffs angrily.

She hates him.

She _hates_ him.

The universe must really have something against her to have her stuck with him.

She's boiling of anger just with the thought of him, so much that she doesn't feel the cold anymore.

She has to get out of here.

If the cold doesn't kill them, they will probably kill each other.

This was a nightmare, not just the kidnapping, she could handle that, but being here with him.

She can't be here alone with him. They usually can't spend 10 minutes alone in the same room without yelling at each other, which made the last few weeks very difficult.

She's been frowning so much the last weeks that some marks appeared on her forehead. If she ever needs to do botox, she'll sue him.

If they get out of here of course.

She knew, she had known from the start that this partnership wouldn't work. She had her reservation for it but the board of SmoakTech had insisted. This could be very good for the company. She had to suck it up.

She had only one request: she wouldn't work with him.

That's the _only_ thing she asked for.

But the CEO of Queen Consolidated, Walter Steele, got sick just a few days after their agreement.

And guess who stepped up?

Yeah, _him_.

She had one request, only one.

But she couldn't retract, and she couldn't be mad at Walter for being sick. So she gritted her teeth and did her work.

They could be professional right?

But apparently they couldn't. Maybe their fall out had being too hard, maybe their anger had been too strong, maybe their (past) friendship had been too weak to keep a sense of courtesy.

They made each other's life hell. They couldn’t help it. They hate each other too much. They didn't play fair, they either “forgot” to tell the other about important informations or they would throw looks that could kill in _every_ meeting they had.

Yes, they were childish, they didn't mean to, they just wanted to piss the other off. They had the bare minimum interaction. The less they could see or talk to each other the better. The better for everyone.

She knows how stressed every other executive and assistant are every time they have a meeting. Everyone is uncomfortable, They do everything to make it as brief as possible.

Nobody wants to be there. But it is necessary for both of their companies.

It's unthinkable to think they were friends once.

That almost makes her laugh. How did he go from her favorite person in her whole life to the one she hates the most.

He was _everything_ to her once, she confided in him about her fears, her insecurities, her hopes. And he did the same in return. They knew each other all their lives, they grew up together, they were inseparable. They only felt complete when they were together. They were friends, they were best friends, they were _family._

There was a time when they couldn't spend more than a few days without seeing each other, and now? They can barely spare a look at each other.

They thought that nothing could _ever_ separate them. They promised themselves to always be there for one another. _No. Matter. What._

He _was_ her everything.

How did this happen?

He failed her. He left her. He broke his promise.

She was _nothing_ to him.

He left her all alone. He left without ever looking back. Without ever checking in.

One day he was here. And the other he was gone.

She realized she never meant anything to him. She was _nothing_.

He left her. Like they all did. Everyone left her at some point. She knew it, she was always expecting it. But not him. He knew her, he knew her fears. And yet, he still left without remorse.

How could he?

It's like he used her fears against her.

She wasn't anything to him. He lied. He played her. He hurt her.

How could she had ever trusted him with her heart?

She gave it to him and he crushed it.

She hates him.

She could never forgive him.

He left. He left her.

She remembers every time he used to reassure her that he would never leave her after her father did, she remembers how his eyes plead her to believe him.

And she had. She had believed him.

She was foolish.

Why did she think this would be different?

Why did she think _he_ would be different?

He left her life.

And then he came back.

She remembers the anger she felt the first time she saw him in that awfully big office.

How dare he? How dare he come back?

After everything? Didn't he hurt her enough?

She hates him.

She hates his smug face every time he wins an argument.

She hates how he looks at her.

Sometimes she could see the eyes of her old friend, soft and loving.

She hates it.

That friend doesn't exist anymore. She's not even sure he ever existed.

Sometimes he looks at her with hate, probably the same way she does. She despises him. He disgusts her.

Sometimes he looks at her with lust, he stares at her when he think she can't see him.

She doesn't like it. He has no right to look at her like that.

She knows she stares at him too, even if she hates him she can't ignore that he's hot, she can't ignore how well he wears his suits, especially if it has suspenders or how sexy his scruff is. She's human after all. She wished she didn't, but she can't help it.

He notices her looks too, because he searches for her eyes to see her reaction, every time he enters the room. So she started doing the same, wearing gorgeous dresses for meetings to throw him off. And it works every damn time.

Even today.

That usually makes her smirk, but not today.

Definitively not now.

The day had started badly, Oliver and her had to travel together to take a look at the progression of their mutual project. The project that had Smoak Technologies and Queen Consolidated, the two rival companies of Starling City, cooperate.

The ride had been quiet, the tension high in the car. They both had ignored each other. Or at least they tried to, because Felicity had felt Oliver's eyes on her. On her thighs, as her red tight dress had rolled up when she sat down.

She knew they would have to spend the morning together, alone, just the two of them, no assistants distracting them to not kill each other.

So she chose that specific dress, why? To tease him? To make him angry? To mess up with him?

And it did work. Too well even.

Because he barely gave attention to the people they were here for. He looked like he didn't even care about it. Why did he replace the CEO if he was incapable and so useless?

She worked her ass off to build SmoakTech. All alone, it's all her. And he was ruining it. After everything he did to her, he was still messing up with her life.

She was angry. Even angrier, she didn't know that was possible.

She had been too focused on her anger that she didn't see the five men ambushing them before they got to their car.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He had being stupid too, trying to fight them off. So stupid. They knocked him out so easily she would have laugh if they didn't put a bag on her head at that moment.

She supposed she was lucky they didn't harm her. Yet. She had tried to see through the darkness, she had tried to hear anything that could have help her realized where they were going. But nothing.

She had waited until they threw them in here, they took off the bag and left. It has been an hour, maximum, and nobody came.

She should be glad, right?

She would be, if she wasn't freezing.

Is that their plan? Taking them to let them freeze to death in a warehouse? But why?

She hopes Diggle, her bodyguard, noticed she was late. Felicity was never late. He will know something was wrong quickly. She knows it. She trusts him. That's why she's not freaking out now. She has faith in his abilities.

She had been so stupid to ask him to stay back at Smoak Tech. So, so stupid.

It's _his_ fault, he made her lose her mind and all sense of reason.

She hears the man in question let out a low groan.

Urgh... he's waking up.

As if being cold wasn't enough now she has to deal with him.

She hears him shift, but she doesn't move, she doesn't want to lose the little warmth she created by being curled up. Despite the constant shivers she feels slightly better than when she got there. But she doesn't know how long she can stay like that before starting to be in hypothermia. She misses her coat so much she wants to cry.

“Give me the blanket” she hears him murmur.

She gasps and raises her head “I don't know where you think you are mister, but definitely not in bed with me! And definitively no blanket in sight”.

“Urgh why are you here? Where am I?” he sits up weakly against the wall.

“You don't remember?” she asks, a little worried that the hit to his head had been too hard and had caused a concussion. She gets closer to him and unconsciously puts her hands on his cheeks as she observes the cut. She's so focused, her eyebrows furrowed and her lips joined in a pout that she doesn't really realize the position she's in.

“What are you doing?” he says in confusion, looking deep in her eyes, she feels his breath on her neck and his hands on her forearms holding her as she's raised on her knees.

She's too close.

She's way too close.

She steps back instantly, pushing his arms away like she's been burned.

Why did she do that? She doesn't care about him anymore? No she can't.

She hates him. She doesn't care.

“I was just checking if you're dying dumbass” she returns to her previous place and puts her arms against her ribs.

Fuck, why did she move? She lost all warmth she tried to gain in the last hour.

“And? Am I?”

“Unfortunately no”

He sighs “So where are we?”

“A five-star hotel can't you see?! What a dumb question.”

“I was just asking if you noticed something maybe you could have done something while I was out, but no, you just sat there useless.”

“Maybe YOU could have done something instead of being ridiculously quickly knocked out!! You're the useless one here.”

“Aren't you supposed to be a genius? Where are those brain cells now huh?!”

Her mouth opens in disbelieve.

“You know what, I’m not talking to you any more” she says, resuming her position, her head back between her knees. She closes her eyes trying to calm herself, yelling at him will only make her lose strength, she couldn't afford that. She's shaking, from the cold? From the anger? She doesn't know.

She had to hold on until Diggle gets here, hopefully before their captors get back for whatever reasons they took them.

“Are you seriously going to sleep right now instead of figure out a way out?! Why are we even here?!”

She groans loudly before answering “They didn't say anything. They just let us there and left. But it's pretty obvious they kidnapped us for money, they saw two rich people and took their chances. They probably want ransom. We just have to wait. Diggle will find us.”

He hums, probably to agree. She doesn't care. She's cold, she can't think.

For a few minutes, there's just silence, no sound except the howling of the wind outside.

With her eyes closed she's concentrating on her breathing, ignoring the cold on her extremities, but even that hurts, her nose, her throat, her lungs.

And then, she feels warm fingers on her left hand. His fingers.

“You're icy cold!”

She takes her hand back from his immediately.

“What makes you think you can touch me?!”

“Why are you such a bitch, I'm just trying to help you damn it.”

“Stating facts won't help with anything asshole.”

“So you want to freeze to death? Go on, I don't care.”

He doesn’t care. He doesn't care about her, he never did. Angry tears appear in her eyes but she refuses to let them fall.

Why did she have to be here with him? She hates him. She never wanted to see him again. Not after _it_ happened.

Why is she here? Is this how she's going to die? Alone?

She whimpers, she's so cold, it hurts.

“I don't know how long we can go on like this”

What was he talking about?

Their partnership?

Their hatred for each other?

“How long do you think Diggle will to get here?”

Right, their kidnapping. She doesn't answer.

“Felicity... even if they don't come back to hurt us, we'll get sick in a few hours if we don't warm up. Even me, dressed with winter clothes.” he points a finger at her “you on the other hand are definitely not. I see you shaking, you can't stay like that we have to find a solution.”

“What do you propose then?” she responds, her voice low.

“Maybe we should try to get out, find a way out”

“And then what? Neither of us have our phones? What if we're in the middle of nowhere. It's cold here but outside is even worse. Do you really want to risk it?”

“Then I’ll go alone”

“Yeah? And what if they come back and see you're not here anymore? What do you think they'll do to me? Not that you care” she mumbles the last part.

“I do care” he whispers and sighs.

“What do we do?”

“I guess we just have to sit back and wait. Hope. Or maybe... Urgh never mind.”

“What?”

“Nothing”

“Damn it Oliver say it.”

“Body warmth!” he shouts abruptly.

At first, it's just a giggle and then, she bursts out laughing, the sounds resonating through the warehouse.

“Why are you laughing?!”

She snorts “Maybe you do have a concussion with severe brain damage! I mean considering us having sex in the middle of a freezing creepy warehouse after we've been kidnapped without even knowing why is crazy. Especially us! Us?! I hate you, I despise you. I know hate sex is a thing but this won't even happen so get those thoughts out of your mind right now.”

He raises his eyebrows “I was only talking about huddling together.”

“Oh right... I knew that!”

“Are you sure you're not the one with the concussion?”

“Shut up”

She doesn't want to be here. She hates him. She doesn't want to have physical contact with him.

But she doesn't have a choice, does she?

She sighs in resignation “okay...”

She doesn't look at him, she can't, so she closes her eyes.

Her heart beats faster. From the cold maybe? Or from the fact that she's going to cuddle with the man she hates? Or because that reminds her of the time they were friends? They used to cuddle all the time, she used to love it, she felt so safe in his arms. It was home.

But not anymore... not after everything...

For so long she blocked her memories of these times with him, her feelings, because it hurts too much. She doesn't want to fall back into that. She can't. She hates him.

“Only because we have to survive” he says.

“Obviously. I would never want to get close to you otherwise.”

He takes off his coat and puts it on the side. Then, he holds her shoulders, her naked glacial shoulders, and guides her until she's sitting between his legs. Her head goes instantly under his chin, fitting perfectly in the place there, like it was made for her. He takes back his coat and lays it on her, covering them both. Finally, he puts his arms around her under the warm cloth, squeezing her, hugging her as close as it was possible.

Just like old time. It felt like nothing had changed.

Except it did. Everything changed.

It hurts, it hurts so much being this close to him physically, but yet so far away.

At least she's not freezing, she's warming up quickly, she wants to cry because it feels so good.

She doesn't want to be here. She doesn't want to feel the warmth in her heart and the nostalgia of feeling his strong arms around her again, because her mind reminds her that she hasn't felt them in so long. Because he left her.

She can smell his perfume by being so close to his neck, it's so familiar... after all these years he still uses the same. It reminds her of a better times, less stressful, calmer, when it was just the two of them against the world.

She can't stop herself from getting closer to him. She's so warm. She's so comfortable. How can someone be so warm seriously? When they were young that made her go crazy, she always had to get away from him if they fell asleep while cuddling because she got so warm. But at this moment she's very grateful for it.

What is she doing?

She shouldn't... she really shouldn’t let herself think about the old times. She shouldn't be close to him. She moved on.

She changed.

She doesn't want to be here... she can't... she hates him damn it!

She suddenly feels very uncomfortable and... sad.

She moves, she tries to get away from him, even if means she has to freeze to death and leave the heavenly cozy place between his arms she can't stay there. Instead of letting her go he wraps his arms tightly against her body.

“What are you doing?”

He let her go once, he surely can do it again now.

“Stop moving! What's wrong?!” he half yell when she doesn't stop.

“I can't be here. I don't want to be here.”

“Is it really that terrible to be close to me?”

_Yes it is_

“Is it really that hard to just stay?”

She abruptly turns in his arms and looks at him with a furious expression painted on her face. Her eyes are wide open, and her jaw is closed tightly.

“How dare you. How dare _you_ say that to me. After what you've done.”

“Do you think I’m not angry at you too?! You never questioned what you've done wrong huh? Guess what, I'm incredibly mad at you and I’m still here holding you so shut up and suck it up so we can get out of here and never see each other ever again. Don't worry you won't have to touch me, or even look at me again. So suffer through the last few minutes or hours here, and then we'll be done.”

_We'll be done._

They were already done.

They have been for a long time.

It didn't change anything.

So why does that made her heart feel so heavy? Why does it hurt so much?

She resumes her position, her head against his chest, with tears pooling in her eyes, some of them staining his shirt.

“I hate you”

He wraps an arm around her back, holding her close while the other is holding her head softly.

“I know”

She doesn't want to cry. She doesn't want to be seen crying.

It doesn't affect her. It doesn't affect her. It doesn't affect her... She's strong.

He doesn't deserve her tears.

She wants Diggle to get here now. Or even the bad guys at this point. She doesn't like being seen vulnerable, especially by him. They are rivals, being a woman working in this field is already hard enough, she can't afford to be seen as weak, and she definitely can't afford to be seen crying in _his_ arms.

But the warmth... the warmth is amazing. So amazing that she doesn't realize she's starting to doze off. She doesn't have the strength to fight against it, she just relaxes, forgetting about where she is and falls asleep lulled by the comforting throbbing of his heart and the soothing sound of his breathing.

* * *

She awakens with something tickling her cheek, she moves slightly her head hoping to make it stop but it seems to make it worse. It's when she feels breaths on her neck that she understands that the tickling feeling comes from Oliver's scruff. She widens her eyes realizing that their embrace feels very intimate with her sitting between his legs, her face against his chest while he holds her, and his face buried against her neck, nuzzling it softly.

Way too intimate for someone who's huddling with the person they hate. He wakes up gradually, moving her a little in his arms and then his fingers start to play with her blond shiny locks.

Just like old time.

Does he even realize he's doing it or does it just come instinctively?

She hates the butterfly feeling in her stomach.

Does he know how much she loved when he did that? Does he know how much that made her feel safe? Happy? Loved and cherished?

He doesn't have the right to make her feel like that anymore.

He lost it when he left and broke her.

He made her feel insecure. Miserable. Unloved and abandoned.

She hates him. He hates her. Why doing this affectionate special gesture?

Why torture her that way?

She hates him.

She loved him once.

But she doesn't have any space for love anymore.

He hums and that reminds her of where she is, not only in his arms, but kidnapped in an abandoned warehouse.

How much did they sleep?

Did the captors come in?

Was Diggle coming soon?

She doesn't know, she doesn't like not knowing and that's freaking her out.

They could still be here for hours. Maybe days.

“I really doubt it will be days. You said it yourself, Diggle is coming.”

Oh shit, she spoke out loud, hopefully just her last few thoughts.

Now that he's fully awake she allows herself to detach herself from him so he can lift his head from her neck but stays close in his arms and his warmth.

They're facing each other, unable to say anything for now, too preoccupied with the myriads of emotions passing through their faces.

I missed you.

I hate you.

I loved you.

I love you.

Felicity just stares into his eyes trying to interpret what she sees, deciding if she wants to believe it or if it's just another lie.

So much nostalgia, hurt, hatred, love, sadness, shame, anger, confusion and despair.

It's overwhelming.

She can't deal with it. Not now. Not here.

He puts a strand of hair behind her ear and puts his hand on her cheek. She doesn't look away, she can't.

“Felicity...” he whispers, so softy that if she wasn't sitting so close she wouldn’t have heard it.

She always loved the way he said her name, accentuating every syllable, saying it like it was special, treasuring it.

“Felicity” he repeats a little louder this time. His eyebrows furrowing, his staring becoming more intense like he was trying to make her understand something.

What?

And then... His eyes look down. To her lips.

He gets closer and closer until his lips are hovering over hers, and then, he stops. He stops there. For a second they just breathe the same air. Time stops. He's waiting for her. He's waiting for her to take the steps that would change it all.

She shouldn't right?

She hates him.

Why would she want to kiss him?

She hates him.

And yet, she pushes herself forward to reach his lips.

The feeling isn't new, it was just forgotten, a sensation belonging to the past and being revived in that instant. It's shy and soft, neither of them want to rush this moment. But before they can explore each other more, a loud bang interrupts them.

She freezes against his lips before he pushes on her shoulders. He wears a sorry, regretful look on his face.

_This was a mistake._

This was a big mistake.

Another bang echoes through the warehouse and finally, she hears her savior.

“Felicity!”

Diggle. He was here. She was right to trust him.

She smiles at him and gets up to go to him.

Finally.

Its over.

All of this is over.

_This was a mistake._

She turns back to Oliver who looks at her with an indescribable expression with maybe a grain of hope.

He's waiting for her to decide what she wants to do.

Like he did before the kiss. The ball was in her court.

What did she want to do?

_This was a mistake._

She closes her eyes, blocking him from her view.

When she opens them again, she has a determined cold face on.

“This doesn't change anything” she affirms stoically.

She walks to Dig without ever looking back at him, a smile on her mouth.

This time, she left him.

It was over.

She hates him.

Nothing could ever change that.

**Author's Note:**

> Of course i had to end it like that don't yell at me!  
> Are you curious about what happened between them? do you have an idea?
> 
> Thank you so much for reading it means a lot !  
> I would love to have feedback and constructive criticism.  
> You can find me on Twitter @smoakgoth


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